When Kali Speaks

As those who live in the country know, we live side by side with many critters.  Occasionally, some of those critters find their way into one’s house, and though they usually don’t want to be there, as it isn’t their natural domain, ( maybe mice like it – lots of crumbs  ) and it can prove very hard to survive there, they are often trapped, trying to find a way to the outside, beckoning green world.

 

Over the winter, we think a wasp had found her way inside our house and gotten trapped.  While there, she must have laid her eggs, as we have been finding wasps in the uppermost room, which is full of warmth and windows.  There they stay, hugging the glass until they perish, a sad, short little life, a tragedy, in a way, futilely trying to find their way into the real world, a rich and green world they have never known yet desperately sense, and which remains lost to them, blocked by an invisible barrier.

 

I usually stay up later then my husband Hawk, and one evening, after he had already fallen asleep, I was coming upstairs when I saw a wasp on the right hand wall.  I don’t like having wasps in the house, to say the least.  One can get stung by accident, and a wasp sting is not fun. So, not braving the wasp removal myself ( I always call upon Hawk to do this, as I have felt frightened by them ), feeling I had no other choice and this HAD to be done, I woke him up out of a sound sleep, which is not his favorite thing.  But, he woke up sweetly and went to remove the wasp.  Two days ago, in an “OH shit” moment, I found 3 more wasps, and, as Hawk was not here, away on a program, I realized that I would have to be the one to deal with it.

 

A little bit previous to this moment, I had gone down into our library, feeling called to pick a mystical card from a card deck to see if there was any information I needed to receive. The deck that called out to me was the Goddess Oracle Deck, and so, not looking, I chose a card.  The card that presented itself to me was the Goddess Kali.  She is not a Goddess one wants to take lightly, fool around with, or ignore. When she shows up, it’s big showtime, big gun time. Very big gun time.  Ok….hmmmm….well. Kali is the Goddess who asks one to confront one’s deepest, darkest fears. She is the Goddess of both birth and death, creation and destruction.  So, undertaking to honor this message, ( knowing I better do so ) I sat in a rocking chair before the wood stove in the kitchen to face whatever deepest fears were still lurking within me, following the guided visualization offered along with the card, to discover it. It was a powerful experience. But, as life does, things moved on, and it drifted away from my consciousness.

 

So – back to these 3 wasps. Here I am, left, as mentioned above, to my own resources to deal with them, this deep fear of mine – one I had deftly avoided, having Hawk around to handle it. The first one I tried to catch using a paper towel, thinking to wrap it up in it, and then open the paper towel outside – this meant throwing the whole thing on the ground and hoping the wasp would find its way out.  It was not a very brave or graceful approach, and the wasp ended up climbing along the outside edge of the paper towel as I rushed it, exclaiming “Oh NO  Oh NO!!”  to the back door.  Fortunately, it did not leave the paper and fly toward me, as my anxious mind was telling me that it would.  I got it outside, but not in an especially careful or loving way or courageous way.  The next wasp that showed up, almost immediately after that, I caught using a plastic clear glass and a piece of paper,  as the paper towel method left much to be desired, putting the glass over it and then using the paper as a topper.  This time, I got it outside with a bit less fear and anxiety, but not much, and threw the cup on the grass. Well, the wasp did not climb out of the glass, and for some reason, still being anxious, I suppose, I really wanted that wasp to get out of the glass and just leave the area.  So, I took a big leaf and frantically brushed at the wasp to get it out, and it fell hard, frantically itself, onto the porch on its back, wriggling around in great turmoil.  I felt very badly about this.  I had not behaved in a way that was very kind, even though I was, at least, not whapping it with a newspaper.  I WAS, at least, trying to get it outside into the life it wanted so badly. But, still.  Not a very compassionate approach.  Or brave.

 

There is a wonderful book called : Behaving As If The God In All Things Mattered, and although I do my best to live this way, up until now, this did NOT extend to wasps, Though I was, regarding this wasp removal, doing the best I could. As a shamanic practitioner, it is a goal of mine to be at peace with all of life, but apparently the Goddess Kali knew that I was not succeeding in this.  I did not put it together until today that that card and these wasps were apparently connected.

 

One more wasp showed up soon after that debacle with the wasp on its back, legs frantically waving in the air.  I handled it with the glass and paper and again throwing it out onto the grass, perhaps a bit better, but not by much.  The fear was still there, and my heart was in my mouth the whole time.

 

Fast forward a few days:  Today, as I was getting that same high, warm room full of windows ready for a friend to stay over, all of a sudden, I spied a wasp on the window sill. It was  another “Oh shit, are you kidding me??!!” moment. In my bestirred and reawakened awareness that I really needed to behave as if the God in all things mattered, I was determined to do it better, despite the anxiety that once more rose up from the depths.  Apparently, I still had some fear to face. So, I caught it with the glass and the paper, and put it outside on the lawn, doing my best to be more aware, and treat the wasp as another fellow creature of Spirit. I’m helping you, I silently spoke to it.  A better life awaits. OK. Maybe I’m done. Maybe this test is over, I thought, hopefully.

 

As I went back upstairs to finish getting the room ready, checking the windows covertly, I saw more wasps.  Many more wasps, all climbing on the windows.

 

One by one, up and down the stairs, glass and paper in hand, I took out 11 ( ELEVEN!!!!! ) more wasps from the room and took them outside.  By the time I was finished – I kept going up there each time to see if I had gotten the last of them, and there were always MORE…..by the time I was at the last 4, I was just praying “PLEASE GOD, NO MORE.  PLEASE GOD NO MORE!!  as I was getting near the end of my wasp saving, fear facing, removal resources. However, not one wasp stung me or tried to hurt me, in any way, and as I perfected the laying the glass on the window to catch them, and as I perfected putting the glass on the lawn with a small thump so that they would fly away, they all did so in what felt, to me, like great happiness. And freedom. Nevertheless, I am hoping TO GOD that when I check up there in a bit, there won’t be any more…but if there are, I will go at it again, seeing what level of fear or calm I have either left within me or arrived at.  But, I really am hoping that it’s over, and I have passed the test.

 

Here is what – very appropriately, it seems to me  – I found on wasp as a totem from the Crystal Wind website:

 

WASP is the powerful female warrior and shamanic healer, prompting us to take a good look at our lives and ask if we are fighting the good fight. If you are stung by Wasp, it’s her way of saying, “Wake up! Do your spiritual work! To thine own self be true!” She confers great protection to those wise enough to give her space to do her thing, and does not stand for her sacred nest being disturbed. Her compassion is the highest form of compassion, which assists others in learning the difficult lessons of power and humility. Anyone gifted with Wasp’s female warrior Medicine must cultivate humility, for to use the Sting for purposes of the ego is a grave mistake. Only those committed to peace may walk with the power of the Sting in the left hand. Her intense alternating stripes of yellow and black symbolize duality, Yin and Yang, extremes which, when alchemized in the Heart, create a transcendantly beautiful whole. Wasp shows up when we’re learning to bridge the duality of life and death, around the time of a birth or death, a life-affirming transformation, or a personal healing crisis. She is serious but teaches us to laugh at ourselves. When you face the big issues of life and death, worrying about anything less is truly laughable!

 

2 Comments

  1. Hawk Hurst on April 23, 2017 at 9:01 am

    This story was profound, in so many ways. I loved that you shared your vulnerability!

  2. Su on April 27, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    What a lovely story to read after staying with you and trying to “free” 2 honey bees 🙂

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