Although it has been said many times, in many way, it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that the person we must marry is ourselves.
In the chakra system, this is found in our 3rd chakra – the place where we learn to honor Ourselves. It is where we find and focus our Chi – our life force. All the great martial artists know this, and that is why they can perform physical feats that seem utterly impossible. they have moved into the realm of spirit – of the Life force. when we have gotten this understanding in our 3rd chakra, we can then move up the chakra ladder to the 4th chakra – the Heart, where we learn to exist in an unconditional state of Love for all beings.
If we don’t have Self Love, if don’t deeply honor and respect ourselves, and treat ourselves with Loving kindness….if we aren’t our own partner, lover, best friend….if we aren’t our own best advocate and support, we don’t have anything – we will have no foundation to stand on. We will be like a leaf in the wind, blowing this way and that with every wind or opinion, approval or disapproval that blows. We will always be addicted to looking outward, to someone or something else for encouragement and acceptance, for strength and validation – our foundation will be based on quicksand. This is a scary way to live. It is extremely unpredictable.
When we marry ourselves, though – that is an entirely different matter. We become so secure and cozy, wrapped up in our own sense of solidity and steadfastness and well being, our own knowledge of who we truly are, in the most Spiritual sense of the word – that we can then turn to face the world and our other relationships, with a rich, deep, core strength, a sense that we have what we need. We know hat Someone has our back – and that Someone is oneself.
When we are starry eyed about ourselves, then, no matter what circumstances we may be going through, we have someone to turn to who understands – ourselves. Someone we can always count on to be there in a loving, safe, non judgmental way…someone who will love us and encourage us to do our best, and who will soothe us and help us when we fall or falter. We all want that, i think, more then anything else in this life, but it seems often, a rare thing to be able to count on it from others. Everyone has their own life to tend to, their own ups and downs and bad days, their challenges and anxieties. Looking for someone else to give us that unconditional love and acceptance isn’t something that can always happen. It’s hit or miss, depending on the day.
When I speak of Self Love, I am not speaking of vanity – of being obsessed with how we look, or thinking that we are better then someone else. What I am talking about is something so much more amazing – the sense that we are truly and infinitely loved and valued for the depth, inner beauty, richness and complexity and unique Soul that we are.
The deep Fear of being separate, of being alone, is such a raw, core survival issue. It is this terror that makes us seek out that illusive safety that we think we can get from someone else. From the time we are children – babies, in fact – it seems as if our survival does depend upon another. I remember once babysitting for my grand daughter, delighting in being with her…she was still crawling. I took a few steps away for the barest of moments to turn on a light, and she realized, all of a sudden, that she was not right next to someone. She scurried as fast as she could, crawling desperately, to find me – though I was but a few steps away. The sense of being alone overcame her, and she was terrified. Although we must begin life in this way, being taken care of, for we are helpless as newborns and children for a while, at some point, we must grow beyond this, and find our own Inner Self. Our true essence. That is why, if a parent is doing his or her job correctly, first they will give a child roots, and by doing this correctly, they will give them wings.
It has been said, over and over, in all philosophical and spiritual teachings: KNOW THYSELF and TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE.
This has begun to make more and more sense to me, as I realize just how utterly crucial this is. It is at the Heart of everything. It IS the Heart and essence of all teachings. It is the Heart of oneself – the Heart of our own journey to Wholeness and Enlightenment. We must discover who we really are. We are not this or that religious affiliation. We are not this or that political group, or nation. We are not even this body. It goes way, way beyond that. And until we get what that is, we will be basing who and what we are on illusion. And when we do discover what we truly are – it is mind blowing.