I think that it was Moshe Feldenkrais who said:
You can’t get to where you want to go unless you see where you’ve been.”
I fully agree. In my healing work with people, I always tell them ahead of time that if they want to work with me, we will be facing deep, core issues, head on – things that they may not have wanted to face. But, if any healing is to occur, this has to happen. I present it gently, when needed, sternly when needed – but, truth isn’t something one can hedge around. One CAN choose not to face it, but whether in this lifetime or another, it will present itself again and again, until it IS faced. Sometimes, as it turns out, we may not have the strength yet, or the foundation to heal something. We are still too fragile, and we must build up our strength in order to be strong enough not to be devastated or crippled by what we need to face. The timing must be right. We all have free will, and we can choose when to face or deal with something. But face it, at some point, we all must, in order to heal and move on – in order to get free from what binds and troubles us. In order truly, to be Healthy.
Unless we are totally willing to recognize what we have been doing, and where we’ve been coming from, we can’t possibly jump into our next and better evolution of being.
It can be very challenging to do this, and it involves honesty and courage to take responsibility for the distortions in our lives, and how these distortions have negatively impacted not only ourselves, but also others. Usually, if not always, these distortions come from Fear. Because it can be painful, initially ( though greatly relieving afterwards !! ) to face a distortion we have allowed ourselves to be caught in, sometimes for most of our lives, often many people will make excuses when presented with this. I will hear people say, when having done something hurtful: “Oh, I was just kidding!” Or they will try to spin what they have done back onto someone else – blaming someone else for their own hurtful reaction or behavior, saying something to the effect of: “Well, if you hadn’t done such and such…..”, or “I was just tired, or hungry, and so I________”.
None of this is honest, or useful, to get oneself free.
One of the Laws of the Universe, as the information came to me, is that:
You are either in Fear, or in Love.
Fear can create some very strange dynamics between ourselves and others, and none of them are very pleasant. It becomes a tangled web we weave. We can mask our fear by excusing ourselves, thinking that what we are doing comes from Love. But, that can be a mask the fear hides behind. People will often cling very hard to this rationale and justification for their actions, thinking that they are doing something good. Wars come from this. Bad parenting or forms of abuse come from this. Even, eventually, an illness can come from this. All sorts of things come from this. What this really is, is Denial. The fear to face something.
People often think that if they face something distorted or troubling in themselves, it’s a validation and confirmation that they truly are “bad”. That they, “see, really aren’t worth anything”. This is not so. We all get caught in distortions – that is how we learn to be who and what we want to be. We learn to do this, and not that. But we must honestly turn to face these distortions – to “see where we’ve been”, in order to become disentangled from them. And in this way we grow into even more brilliant beings.
The interesting thing is, once a person actually does face an issue, it isn’t nearly as bad as they think it will be. It’s like tending to a wound. It may initially hurt as one swabs it with alcohol to clean it, but after that, there is great relief, and it begins to heal.
I was once told the amazing story of a horse that had a very bad wound on it’s knee. Try though they might, the owners of the horse could not seem to help the horse to heal it. A lot of time went by, and the wound simply would not heal. It remained an open fester, and was definitely health threatening. Deeply concerned, they finally called in a midwife to help, as she was also known in the area as a good healer. The midwife took a look at the wound, and the unconcerned horse, and, much to their horror, took out a match and burned little burns all around the wound. Now, I don’t advocate doing this, but what happened was this: because the horse felt a new pain, it woke up, so to speak, and sent its attention to the area, and the wound healed. The horse had lived with the wound and that pain for so long that it had become numb to it. It ignored it, and went into denial regarding it. Having the new bits of pain brought its attention and focus back to the spot, and so it healed.
This, I think, is true of all of us. Unless we put our attention on a wound, it cannot heal. We all pretty much know to do this physically, and would even, perhaps, think it crazy NOT to tend to such a wound. But we must also be willing to do this mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, when needed. These wounds are deeply real, and need tending to, as well. This is a courageous act of self love. Having some discomfort initially, in a safe space, and done with kindness, if a person is willing to face themselves and grow – what happens next is….. Healing.